Three Ways to Embrace Failure

I love to cook. I love trying new recipes, hosting friends and family, and planning holiday menus. One Thanksgiving, I volunteered to bring the turkey to my mom’s house. I poured so much love into preparing this turkey; I soaked it in brine for several days, woke up early to slather it in butter, and roasted it to perfection. Right before we left, I turned on the broiler so the turkey would be a lovely golden brown. Then I got distracted. A few minutes too late, I pulled the turkey out and it was BURNED. I started crying, told my family to go to Thanksgiving without me, and swore I would never try to cook another meal again.

We’ve all failed. Whether it was a burned turkey, an actual “F” on an assignment, or an embarrassing gaffe in a meeting or in an interview, every single one of us has experienced failure. And while our rational brains understand that failure is good and an essential part of learning, development, and growth, our emotional and physical responses to failure make us feel the exact opposite.

Failure happens. You can’t prevent it, but you can learn to do it well. According to Amy Edmonson, Harvard Business School professor and author, there are three things preventing us from embracing failure as the learning opportunity it is: aversion, confusion, and fear. In her book, “Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well,” she shares tactics for overcoming each of these things. 

Aversion

Aversion is the instinctual, emotional response to failure. It’s why I burst into tears when I saw that burned bird. As humans, our “negativity bias” notices, stews over, and hangs onto negative information, while we quickly move on from positive information. Basically, the pain of failing is bigger in magnitude than the joy of succeeding. So to feel better, we avoid failure. But remember, failure is inevitable. 

One tactic for dealing with aversion to failure is reframing. A study found that athletes who placed third in an Olympic event, earning a bronze medal, appeared happier and less likely to feel the sting of failure than the athletes who received a silver medal. Why? The silver medalists framed their result as a failure because they didn’t win the gold. Meanwhile, the bronze medalists framed their results as a success because they earned a medal at the Olympics! They were aware of just how easy it would have been to come home without a medal at all. 

Re-framing from “loss” to “gain” allows you to find the good, or the learning, from failure. 

Confusion  

Confusion comes in when we don’t understand when it’s “okay” to fail. Depending on the situation, you can experience different types of failure. 

Basic Failures happen when we are in a routine or predictable situation and something just goes wrong. My burned turkey is an example of a basic failure — it wasn’t my first time roasting a turkey and it could have been easily prevented if I had just set a timer and stayed focused on the task at hand. It’s also why it stung so badly. 

Complex failures happen when you have a solid knowledge foundation, but there is a likelihood of unexpected events. A good example of an environment where you’d encounter complex failures is a hospital. Even with experts and well-trained staff, unexpected events — from underlying complications to loss of power or equipment failure — can lead to failures. 

Intelligent Failures are most common in situations where you have limited knowledge or experience, like a research facility or navigating a business through a global pandemic.

One tactic for overcoming confusion is understanding the context of our failure. Knowing what types of failures are common in a certain environment or set of circumstances can help you set the right kinds of expectations for you and your team(s).

Fear   

Fear, specifically stigma and social rejection, prevents us from taking calculated risks. Will you be punished for a failure? Will you be demoted or fired? If you speak up, what will happen to you? If we don’t know the answers to these questions, or worse — if we know from experience that failure is met with punishment — we’re less likely to embrace failure. Instead, try to cover it up or avoid risks altogether.

The most important tactic for dealing with fear is creating psychological safety. In environments with a high degree of psychological safety, team members feel comfortable asking questions, admitting mistakes, and experimenting with unproven ideas. An environment built on support and respect encourages innovation and learning, reduces the risk of fundamental errors, and promotes intelligent risk-taking. 

Dramatic declarations aside, I will cook again. My goal is to be resilient in the kitchen. I’m not chasing perfection, but I’ll keep trying my best and making intelligent failures along the way. 

Summarized from “Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well” by Amy Edmondson.